I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
