We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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