Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
