the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
