it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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