drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
