the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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