I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
