I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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