I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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