I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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