dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
