you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
