my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
