White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
