we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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