looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
