Define "chronic" masturbator.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
