He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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