We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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