NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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