This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
