Me. At least after what I've been through.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There are leaves in my underwear?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
