dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
