So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
