This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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