I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
