Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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