I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am spending my child support on dildos
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
