Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
