the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
