Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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