She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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