There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
