isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
