I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
