his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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