You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
