first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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