I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
