My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
