everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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