apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
