I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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