So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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