you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
