Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
