do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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