Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
