Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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